So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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