Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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