the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
two words...techno handjob
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
