right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
