you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
