Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
