i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
