hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
