We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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