I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
