I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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