yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
