My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Boobs are out for the taking
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
