You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
third nipple confirmed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
