how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
