The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
