I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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