Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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