I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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