My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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