I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
