the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
