My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
