he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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