That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
