I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
