I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't think brook has ever known best
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
