It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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