his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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