I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
