Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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