Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
