I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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