why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
