Sponge bath it is.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
