I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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