Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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