You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The air was thick with penises
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
