Welp...herpes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
