Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think brook has ever known best
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
