so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
