he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Two words: nipple clamps
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
