We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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