Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
