shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
