if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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