i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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