just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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