We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
