OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
