Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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