So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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