He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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