He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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