And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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