JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize