He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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