Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
