Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
...so i touched it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
