We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
