I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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