Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
