question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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