He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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