I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
