Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
