Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
