Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
