Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
