Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
