On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
