dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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