3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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