I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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