Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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