I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The adults are the big ones right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
