Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
