He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
