3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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