so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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